Many years ago, to supplement my income, I worked part-time as a home health caregiver. One of the patients I took care of was a 93-year-old woman who never married and had no kids. She was once a very successful attorney but when I met her, she was a cold, bitter old woman who was dying alone. She had a nephew who visited every blue moon.
In sharp contrast to that was another one of my clients who was also in her 90’s but had children. I provided care on those days that her kids could not. She was loved and cared for and was one pleasant person.
I also had a couple who had been married for over 50 years. The man was recovering from a stroke and the wife had her hands. However, the love that they shared was so evident and palpable, it was always a pleasure to walk into that home.
During this period, I got to thinking about the differences and pondered the essence of family. I wondered about the importance of marriage and children and came to a realization which has really impacted me since.
Marriage and kids are like a retirement plan. You pay into it so you can reap the benefits later. The importance of marriage and children is seen when one is older. Just as the investments in your retirement plan can go south, so can a marriage. Children can also turn out to be disappointments. However, the fear of failing should not hold one back.
Must one wait till one is 90 to see the importance of family? I cannot recount the number of times I have seen patients show up for major surgery in the hospital with no family – maybe a distant nephew or cousin miles away. There is a certain sadness that hangs about them in these times, especially evident when you see other families with tons of family members. Maybe marriage and kids are important at times of sickness too.
I am married now with 2 little kids and sometimes it feels like an unbearable chore taking care of them. Keeping a marriage going is no walk in the park either. In those times, I think of my clients back then and the lonely patients and keep going with a smile on my face.