I am suffering from severe case of Olympiosis.
Symptoms are quite prevalent in the mornings but are felt all day long – tiredness, yawning, red eyes, arthralgias, headache, deafness to alarm clocks and gross irritability. It can be confused with a hangover. The difference is found by measuring the blood alcohol level in most patients.
Cause is thought to be inability to extract the human mass away from a television set during the Olympic games. It was first described in the 1970s.
Most experts attribute the pathology to pure wonder at athletic prowess. Game and his team in a seminal paper postulate that the sheer determination exhibited by the athletes induces heightened admiration leading to insomnia. Track et al measured the level of light emitted from the medals the athletes receive and noticed a high correlation between the amount of gold won and the severity of Olympiosis and laryngitis.
Cases of Olympiosis spike during the Swim, Track and Beach Volleyball events. Men seem to be particularly afflicted during the Beach Volley Ball events. This year, the CDC is reporting that doctors are seeing a spike around the Ladies Gymnastics events too.
Four years ago, researchers in London isolated two viruses called the Phelps and the Bolt that might play roles in the severity of Olympiosis. This year, scientists in Rio de Janeiro have isolated two more viruses – the Ledecky and the Biles. A group outside Rio reported on a variant called the Manuel. A team at the NIH is working on vaccines.
Olympiosis might be contagious, a fact that the experts cannot seem to agree on.
Treatment is avoiding television sets. A good televisionicide will do the trick. Also, one should avoid contact with the internet in all it’s forms. Symptoms usual subside after about 3 -5 days of avoidance.
Failure to treat leads to a chronic state that is incurable. The long term prognosis is dire. It seems to lead to sundaynightfootballiosis, modaynightfootballiosis or even EPLiosis. Most chronic patients end up in rehabilitation centers, where they spend the rest of their lives watching TV and drinking beer or knitting.
A select group of patients seem not to progress to the chronic stage and I think I belong to that group so for now, Olympiosis, bring it on!